I am in a very busy season in my life right now. I am involved in way too many things and still can't seem to say "NO"! I can't really complain because I have volunteered or said "YES" to too many things and I have brought it on myself. I feel like I am being stretched in too many directions and can't do any of them well.
My only prayer is that I would be a good steward with what God tells me to do, my marriage, my children, my time and talents, and my finances. I just want to be a Proverbs 31 woman! I want to do what is right and take care of my family, the needy, the hurt, the poor. I want to be available to all the people who may need me day or night. In layman's terms... I want to be Superwoman. I can't. I am seeing that I am gong to have to say "NO" a little more often. Not because I want to but because I need to commit to what I have already said I would do. Not only commit to doing it..but doing it well.
You see, God gives us all talents. Some get singing, others may have a knack for playing instruments or speaking, some may have a talent for connecting people together. ME? God gave me the talent/gift of reaching out to lost souls, helping the helpless, and hospitality. I love to love on people! I love to encourage and pray for people!
It is a known fact that I cook most every week night. It is also known that if you are hungry and need some food...let me know... you can come over anytime and dine with us. I just got a text last week from someone asking if they (plus one) could come eat. OF COURSE! This is not something I am willing to cut out. This is something that God gave me...the gift of hospitality. A servant's heart. I like serving others. I like helping others. It is something that makes me know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. This... I must keep doing.
Just last week I got behind a kid (probably 10-12 years old) that was counting change to get something to eat... I of course spoke up and told him to get whatever he wanted... I was paying. I have prayed time and time again that God would break my heart for what breaks His. Let me tell you, a LOT breaks His heart. I don't ever want to become so consumed in my own life and thoughts that I stop being alert to people around me in need. I want to always be able to hear the voice of discernment and know when someone needs something, anything. I want to be able to help.
I want to be available to have a bedtime routine that make my children feel special and safe. I want to be able to stop and chat with my kids for five or ten minutes...not just in between chews at the dinner table and in the car on our way from Point A to Point B. Don't get me wrong, I love that we eat together as a family every single night. Samuel starts it off by saying our prayer before we eat and then we each take turns going around the table telling the best/worst part of the day. Then we just chat about things that happened that day and what we all had for lunch. It is probably my most favorite part of any given day. Having everyone there. In one place. Just laughing and talking. I will never be ready for this to end. Never.
I want to be available to John. I want to hear him when he speaks, not just as we are passing by, but to make time to sit down and talk. I want to be able to have some "me" time and do whatever I want without having to sacrifice sleep to do it. I want to be able to keep my house up the way that I like it to be. But... I am realizing that during this season in my life I am going to have to stop. Stop, Set priorities (and if need be timers!) , and work on what is most important. That is God's work, my family, and my job. Those are the most important things right now. I want my kids to look back and remember good memories...not always rushed... and special times. I want John to be proud of who I am and what I can bring to the "table". I want to feel that God is proud of me too.
It is time that everything else just take a backseat. I know that is going to upset some people. But I know the reward is much greater. I need to take time for me sometimes too. I will continue to serve at my church, serve others outside of my church, take care of my husband and my children, but also... I am going to take care of myself. I know that is what God wants me to do. You can read about that HERE.
I have some things happening lately that I haven't allowed myself to take time to heal from and get past. Some emotional hurt from some people that I let hold high esteem in my heart and in my life. I know that we are only strengthened and refined in fire and so I welcome those times because I know that after persecution come promotion. I trust God. I trust Him with everything. I know that He goes before me and prepares the way. All I have to do is keep my eyes firmly fixed on Him and He will not lead me astray.
I just want to hear "Well done my good and faithful servant". I just want John and my kids to be proud. I just want to do the right thing. And sometimes, doing the right thing, means taking somethings away. I know that as long as I keep my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus He will keep His eyes firmly fixed on me. I know that He will honor me as long as I do His will. I believe that God has been removing things (distractions) from my life so that I can walk in all that He has for me. I believe I had to go through some things to prepare me for what He has for me...that is still yet to come...and some of it is already here. I have had some things removed lately...and they hurt...big time. But I know, that when things are taken away ... God replaces them with SO MUCH MORE.
So for now, all I can do is follow where He wants me to go and what I hear is being whispered in my heart. For now, I am on the path...the one that leads to hearing Him say to me "Well Done".