I generally try my best to keep my thoughts, my life, my texts, my conversations, my Facebook, my blog, and my heart positive and happy...but sometimes... life isn't always pretty. Sometimes there is ugly. Sometimes there are trials and tribulations. Sometimes you have to walk through hurt and storms and you don't understand it.
I am there right now.
I feel myself coming out of it ...but it has been brewing for a little while now.
I have prayed for a long time that God would remove the scales from my eyes to let me see the things that He wants me to see. I am slowly but surely adjusting to this new vision. And...let me just say... sometimes when you see true colors...they aren't always pretty ones.
I don't have a heart or a mind that would purposely set out to hurt someone by my words or my actions. So, when someone does it to me... I am floored. I mean, I am in shock. I can't understand. I just don't do that. It isn't me. When someone thinks I could do something like that and misinterprets something I have done or said and find themselves offended...it really sends me into confusion...because I like to think that the people I associate with can see my heart. They could know that isn't how I work.
I work out of love. I work from a servant's heart. Anything that I do has a pure, non-malice, sincere heart behind it. Sometimes you do have to deal with hard things in life and you have to say some things that may not be easy....but they are the truth. They need to be said. They always need to be said out of love.
I have recently had a situation come up that has left me heart broken and reeling with disbelief. I am choosing to not let it steal my joy. I choose life. I choose hope. I choose truth. I choose love. I choose Jesus. I choose to stay at the foot of the cross and not let this rip my eyes from Him. I know that in these cases it would be easy to turn my eyes away from what they are fixed on (Jesus and Kingdom business) and just get down and dirty with revenge, offense, rejection, or with condemnation...but I choose to keep pushing forward. I choose to keep my eyes fixed. I am being tested. I am passing.
I have been praying hard not to let this blind sighted shot over take me. Not let it consume me. Not let it dictate me. I can't control it. I can control me and my reaction. God is in control. He knows what He is doing. I am being refined by fire. The Word doesn't say it will be an easy life... in fact it says that trials and tribulations will come...but that He will NEVER leave my side. The tribulation is here. The hurt is present...and so is HE.
While praying over this situation the Lord quickly reminded me that just because I have my blinders off...doesn't mean everyone does.
If you don't believe the same things I do... I love you. If you don't love the same way I do... I love you. If you don't travel in my circle of acquaintances... I love you. If you don't go to the same church as me... I love you. My point is... I love you. I love people. Any and all people. It doesn't matter to me what they have done or what they will do. I am here. I am love...I am the extended hand of Jesus.
I have prayed that the Lord would have me tied to NOTHING on this earth...but only to Him.
I really want to be real on my blog. Not everyday is great. Not every thing that happens leaves us feeling happy and fulfilled. Sometimes it leaves you feeling broken. Crumbled. Hurt. Disappointed. Shocked. But, luckily, Jesus is a healer. He can heal all things in His time. He can heal a hurt or broken heart. A crushed spirit. A feeling of disappoint.
I say... let Him. Choose to let go and just let Him.
Like I said, I have had something happen that normally would just send me running for the hills...but not this time. I am facing it ...but not alone... With Jesus by my side. I used to say that a real friend was someone who walked in when the whole world walks out. Now I say... Jesus never walks out...He is a true friend and He stays close by so He never has to walk in to a situation...He is already there. In fact, He has already been there. He already knew that it was going to happen. He already knows how He will work together for my good and His glory.
He will never leave you. He will never forsake you. Cling to Him.
I am posting the lyrics to a song that really helps me through tough times:
I Will Waste My Life by Misty Edwards
I will waste my life I'll be tested and tried
With no regrets inside of me to find I'm at Your feet
I'll leave my father's house and I'll leave my mother
I'll leave all I have known and I'll have no other
I am in love with You There is no cost
I am in love with You There is no loss
I am in love with You I want to take Your name
I am in love with You I want to cling to You Jesus
Just let me cling to You Jesus
I'll say goodbye to my father my mother
I'll turn my back on every other love and
I'll press on yes I'll press on
I just pray that I keep finding myself at the foot of the cross.