At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself.
"This is ONLY a test!"
Lately, and by lately I mean a couple of months, I feel like I have had all the "crazies" put in my path. I use the term crazies because I just don't know any other word to use. Maybe I should say "Peculiar People".
There. That is better. Much Better. Nicer Sounding. Peculiar People.
You know, early on I learned that some people just aren't going to like you. That is honestly a hard one for me. I mean, there are people that I just don't get along famously with but I love them as I am commanded to do. I have the whole "I can't like everyone" thing down. BUT It is a whole different can of worms when you think about people not liking you. No matter what anyone says...it matters. It may not change anything and may be short lived...but there is a certain sting you get when you think that someone just doesn't like you all that much.
I try to be helpful, nice, courteous, attentive, and all those good things a friend should be ...but sometimes NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO someone out there is going to find something wrong with it. And then you are going to run in to people that are going to tell you. That is one thing about me...unless pushed I never say anything hurtful out of my mouth to friends. I have made a vow to keep it more "real" on my blog so I will continue to say that sometimes I am not as nice as I should be to my husband and that is just plain ol' crazy! I mean, out of everyone...shouldn't he be the one that I am nicest to? So, I have made a pact with myself to just shut the old mouth up instead of saying every single thing that comes to mind. Some people can not stand this. (I am NOT talking about my husband here just people in general... I think my husband likes it!) If you do not participate in the drama then they have to up it and up it and keep on and on and on with the vague and smarty pants Facebook posts. You know what I learned?? It is OK to "defriend" someone. Not just on social networking sites but in life. I mean, there are times that their insecurities just begin to DRAIN you. I mean, eventually in adulthood you have to move past the ME ME ME mentality. Eventually you have to move from the " I need you to pray for me for this...I need you to do this...will you take care of that" and move to the "How can I serve you, What can I pray with you about" mentality. I am human so I am selfish at times but I really try not to be. I have a lot of kids, a husband, and animals... I am good at NOT being selfish.
One of the best things I have ever heard is this: What other people think about me is none of my business. I agree. Sometimes, after you have done everything you can. I mean, going to this person and apologizing for whatever you have done and owning what they say has hurt them and trying to make it better. You just have to ...Move On.
I would rather do something for someone else than to have something done for me. It is just me. It is how I am built. I do enjoy things being done for me...but I don't require it or even look for it. I go out of my way to make people feel comfortable and to feel the love in a friendship/relationship. But, sometimes I just have to step away.
There are people who will ridicule you for every.thing. From the car you drive, to how you parent your children, to your clothes choices, to your blog! I mean, really... I just need to be human for a second. Why does it matter??? I think a lot of things are said out of jealousy, insecurity, and just down right meaness and the love of drama.
Seriously, something was once said to me about my husband buying me a big SUV for me to drive around in and the neighborhood I live in. First things first... I have four children. There are two adults. That makes six. I drive a seven passenger SUV...it was kind of a necessity. I work, so no one bought me anything. I pay too. I provide for my family and our money goes into a big pile and we just use it together. No his. No hers. Just ours. I don't live in a great neighborhood. I mean, it isn't dangerous but there are much nicer places to live. The point is...some people just like to pick and I feel like I have been on the receiving end of it lately.
I always help out. For free. Always. (Unless it is a job that I am working) I can't begin to count how many times I have watched children, watched animals, ran this here, took this there, etc and then when I need something... no one is around.
I have been having to deal with some Customer Service Representatives lately with different businesses. Can I just say: "WHERE oh WHERE for art thou GOOD Customer Service?". I mean it used to be that the customer was right and people wanted to please their customers. Not the case anymore. It is just sickening and it isn't with just the big companies either. I feel like I am begging the checkout person to scan my items so I can buy groceries most times. I guess I just wish people would be a little more courteous and embrace the job that they are currently working. I know a lot of people are working jobs that they wouldn't have chosen and didn't really want but needed out of necessity. But, in my opinion, it doesn't give them the right to be rude.
I have been praying a lot about these kind of situations lately. Lord, please help me not to get offended. Please Lord give me strength to keep my mouth shut when everything inside me wants to go back to my old ways and really let someone have it. Jesus, show me how to love this person from a distance.
I keep hearing the sound of the National Weather Service testing in my mind. I feel that the Holy Spirit is telling me "This is ONLY a test" and I believe that after testing comes promotion and I am holding onto that these days.
Some days, you are human and you mess up. Some days, it seems like you can't say anything right and you for sure couldn't do the right thing (by someone else's standards) if you tried. BUT the good news is: It does not matter what anyone thinks about me because I know what my Heavenly Father thinks about me. I know that He never turns His back on me and I know that He is always available. I know where my heart is and I KNOW that I am loved, cherished, and I know that HE smiles down on me each and every single day. I know that he catches all these tears that I cry too! I know that he gives us beauty for ashes. I know that he restores and I know that the devil is a liar.
Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings
The words to I Will Waste My Life by Misty Edwards stay in the front of my mind:
I will waste my life I'll be tested and tried
With no regrets inside of me to find I'm at Your feet
I am in love with You There is no cost
I am in love with You There is no loss
I am in love with You I want to take Your name
I am in love with You I want to cling to You Jesus
Just let me cling to You Jesus
I will pass this test as I have done in the past. I will not let it get a hold of me and drag me down... I will lift my head and take comfort and shelter under His wings.