John, Sara Beth, Callum, Haley, Kobe, and Samuel

John, Sara Beth, Callum, Haley, Kobe, and Samuel

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Darkness

There is nothing like beginning the day with a great attitude. You are dressed nicely and feel like you look your best and that makes you feel confident and in control. You have rehearsed something over and over and you know exactly how it will all play out. You know what you will say when and how you will say it. You have practiced many times. You know what to expect and you think you are in control. Then... out of nowhere... Something happens that you weren't expecting. Something that really shakes you up and destroys every single plan you had. You all of a sudden don't feel so "together". You don't feel so nice looking and so in control.

That happened to me today. I have had this date marked on my calendar for a while now. I have been somewhat apprehensive but at the same time looking forward to it. I had rehearsed it over and over and practiced for this day. I picked out my outfit for today a week ago. I fixed my hair differently and THOUGHT I had it all under control.

Then it happened. I was faced with the biggest "giant" in my life. A dark cloud that has loomed over me for several years surfaced. Up close and personal. In my face. In my business. I had no warning. This wasn't in my plans. At first, I felt so angry. Then I realized... God put me in the dark. He wanted me to see that I do NOT control ANYTHING! He does. He wanted to put me in a "spiritual time out".  He wanted me to walk by Faith and not by sight. He wanted to draw me closer and have me completely lean on Him. I won't lie. I lost it for a second. I ran ( as fast as possible in my cute shoes!) to the bathroom and had a little cry. But, then I realized that If God is for ME who can be against me?? The Lord reminded me that HE is my strong tower. He shelters me and protects me. When I am too "weak"  to walk He will carry me. He reminded me that HE IS IN CONTROL NOT ME!

I handled it like a champ. While, I had been completely "pitted" against my "biggest enemy" I couldn't help but Thank God for His mercies and His blessings, His comfort, and His strength. I began praising Him through my words,  through prayer, and through song. I immediately felt better. He just wanted me to come back to Him and not try to do it on my own.

While my "giant" has not been defeated ...just yet... I will keep lifting my Savior up in Praise. I will cry HOLY HOLY HOLY Lord you are worthy of my praise. His name will not leave my lips... my mouth will be filled with His praise! I am believing that God will not fail me. He never gives up and His love NEVER runs out!

I still have a way to go in the "dark" but I know that I am going to be a shining light in that dark and set an example for others and for myself to prove that I have changed. I was so scared to begin a journey with Jesus... and now I am so scared to stop. He has carried me at times and held my hand at times but He has never left me. I could never live this life without HIM!

For nothing is impossible with God.
Luke 1:37


Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23

1 comment:

  1. I'm so very proud of you!!! I admire your strength and courage so much. Please know I'm praying for you every step of the way!!!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your sweet comment!